Self confidence is an attitude about your skills and abilities. it means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weaknesses well and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively and can handle criticism. In this post on building self confidence, we will dive into the importance, types and causes of self confidence. Then, we will also talk about the ways on how to have a healthy self confidence.
Different factors contribute to influence our self confidence such as: genetics, personalities, life experiences, thoughts, age, health, comparison etc.
Why is self confidence important?
Self confidence or self esteem is very important in life as it is one of the determinants of success or failure. it is very important because it influences a person’s life choices. it plays a significant role in one’s motivation in life. Having a high self esteem can help you navigate through life with a positive attitude and outlook. On the other hand, having low self esteem might hold you back from achieving your goals and hinder you from maximizing your potential as you would navigate through life always having the perception that you are not good enough or you don’t have what it takes to succeed both at school or work.
Types of Self esteem
Low self esteem: people who have low self esteem, think of themselves as below average. They do not believe in themselves nor trust in their abilities neither do they place value on themselves. Low self esteem can affect a lot of things in one’s life. Some of the effects of low self esteem are poor relationships, addiction, depression and anxiety.
High self esteem: people who have high self esteem tend to love and accept themselves. They believe in themselves and their abilities. They have the confidence that whatever challenges might come, they will be able to surpass it
Inflated self esteem: people who have high self esteem tend to think of themselves as better than other people and are always ready to underestimate others. This is actually a very negative type of self esteem because it prevents people who have it from forming meaningful and healthy relationships. They always want to be ahead and most times do not mind hurting people to achieve the success they desire, thinking that will bring them happiness.
What Causes Low Self confidence
Low self confidence often begins in childhood. Our teachers, friends, siblings, parents and even media send us positive and negative messages about ourselves. For some reason, the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you.
To boost your self confidence, you need to identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself then challenge them. You may tell yourself, “you’re too stupid to apply for a new job” for example or that “nobody cares about your.” Start to note this negative thoughts and write them on an piece of paper or in a diary. Ask yourself when you first started to think these thoughts.
Next, start to write some evidence that challenges these negative beliefs such as “I’m really good at cryptic crosswords” or “my sister calls for a chat every week”
December is here, the last month of the year! Wow, how time flies. Seriously, new year feels just like yesterday but here we are at the end of the year already. So to finish the year strong, I came up with this 30 Days Self-confidence challenge while setting the pace for 2022.
1) Smile at a stranger
I pray you smile from a place of understanding knowing fully well that smiling is powerful especially when the smiles are really genuine
2) List 5 things you love about yourself
No human being can love you better than you love yourself. Find out those things you love about yourself and build on them. This will boost your self confidence tremendously
3) Dance to your favorite song
If like me, you find it hard having favorites, pick any song you really like and just dance. Also, you don’t need to be a pro dancer. Recording yourself is a plus, so you can always rewatch and relive the moment.
4) Give someone a compliment
That feeling of making someone else smile, simply priceless. A random text or call from you just complimenting a friend, colleague or neighbor about how good they are will be amazing. You can boost your self confidence by boosting that of someone else.
5) Prepare your favorite meal
Be it a salad, cocktail, fries, etc it doesn’t have to be complicated. However if you have enough time and resources whatever your favorite meal is, go for it. You might also want to try a new recipe.
6) Don’t talk negatively aboutotherpeoplefor the whole day
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
You only speak what your heart and mind have harbored for a while. When next a negative thought about someone comes to your mind, replace it immediately with a positive one.
7) Get at least 8 hours of sleep
8) Do something you loved doing as a child
Think about that game you loved so much during childhood…
9) Do a little self care
Try having some ‘you time’ just taking care of yourself. You could do an exercise, get a massage, journal, meditate or just spend time alone with God.
10) Do a social media detox
Taking some time off social media will help you focus on yourself and reconnect with the things that really make you happy.
11) list 3 things you have accomplished
As the year draws to an end, it’s very easy to think about the things you failed to do, but how about you take out time to list the things you’ve accomplished so far? This will definitely boost your self confidence and encourage you not to give up.
12) Say No to something
The strength of your will power is determined by your ability to say NO. You don’t always have to say yes to everything especially if it doesn’t allign with your values, goals and beliefs.
13) Implement a new healthy habit
It has been proven that to develop a new habit, the same thing has to be done consistently for 21 days. So if you start today, by the time the new year begins, it will be part of your lifestyle.
14) Treat yourself out
You don’t always have to wait for someone else to do it and it doesn’t have to be too expensive or extravagant. You could visit a nice garden or your favorite restaurant
15) Practice a power pose
In order to boost and maintain self confidence, you need to have the right posture. There are many power poses, salutation pose, Victory pose and just recently I found out smiling is among too.
16) Do something you’ve never done before
Try a new dish, visit a new place, try a new activity or sport. To begin, start by trying to name one thing you’ve never done then work from there. PS: it should be something good and positive that will make you see life from a new perspective.
17) Put on your favoriteoutfit
There’s always that one dress that once you put on, you feel different and your self confidence is just on another level. How about you wear it today, and of course take a good picture while at it.
18) Say this affirmation 3 times
« I am beautiful, confident and deserving of the best »
Say it first thing in morning before stepping out, say it at random periods of your day, declare it boldly before going to bed.
19) Try something new with your hair
It doesn’t matter if you already have a particular hairstyle right now. Just try to style it in a new way.
20) Describe somethingrandomor weird that brings you joy.
Most at times we have a memory that when we think about, we burst out in laugh. Today, don’t wait for anyone to make you laugh, think about anything weird or random that brings you joy.
21) Buy yourself a gift.
When was the last time you got yourself a gift? Some people will put in so much thought and resources when gifting others but when it comes to themselves, anything goes! It’s December, the last month of the year, try rewarding yourself for the years effort and achievements. It could be anything small but should be meaningful.
23) Talk to a stranger
I know you probably meet and talk with strangers every day, but today be really intentional about it.
24) Write down 5 things you are gratefulfor
It doesn’t matter how many times things went wrong throughout the year, there are still many things to be grateful for. Think deeply about the things you are grateful for and write them down. An attitude of gratitude is a great recipe for self confidence.
25) Reach out to an old friend
It’s Christmas Day and many people will be expecting wishes and gifts from family and loved ones. How about you surprise an old friend or someone you haven’t talked to in a long while ?
26) List 3 of your strengths
Maximise your strengths…
27) List 3 weaknesses you will work on next year
Minimise your weaknesses! Don’t be that person who always say ‘ that’s just the way I am’ If you can work on it, please do. In order for you to become the best version of yourself, you need to minimise your weaknesses.
28) Do a complete skin care routine and record.
Do you have a skin care routine? What are the components of your skin care routine?
29) List 3 people in your life you are gratefulfor
Earlier on, you listed the things you were grateful for but now, list the 3 people in your life right now that you are grateful for. Once you identify them, why not let them know how much you are grateful for them. Remember, your network is your net worth.
30) Name one thing you like about your body or appearance
Here at Beiblackbeauty our vision is that you be comfortable and confident in your own skin. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Congratulations, if you made it to the end of the challenge. I hope you feel good about yourself and your self confidence has increased.
Confidence isn’t working into a room thinking you are better than anyone. It is knowing that you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. Definitely, it is knowing that you don’t need to compete, you’re neither below or above… That’s building confidence!
In this article, we will be looking into some of the very few ways in which building confidence helps despite the challenges we face.
1) live loved
It’s very easy to live loved when you actually feel loved. But there are times when you would need to feel loved even when you aren’t receiving any. It may not mean that you aren’t loved, but you might just not feel it. Especially when life hits you hard till you start getting words like, ‘hurt’,’reject’,’left out’ etc I’m sure you wouldn’t want your days to be detected by moods of others. The surest love you would ever get is the love of God. Zephaniah 3:17 says,
The Lord your God is in your midst, a Warrior who saves. He would rejoice over you with joy; He will be quiet in His love (making no mention of your past sins), He would rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
Live with confidence that you are fully loved and you won’t find yourself begging others for craps of love. So when ever you feel low, remember that the Lord is in your midst and He will quiet you with His love.
2) The best will come at the right time
One of the greatest thieves of confidence is unanswered prayer. We pray because we want answers and once those answers don’t come, doubt steps in. We end up not just doubting God but doubting our own selves too. This may sound cliche, but when God moves, it’s always the right time. He’s never late.
How long before the rain stopped did God show up for Noah? He showed up for Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego only when they were already in the fire. Jesus didn’t show up for Martha and Mary until Lazarus had been death for 4 days. He might not show up when you want him to, but He’d show up. We can always find ways to relate these stories to our personal lives. Knowing this, will help in building confidence even when we feel like our prayers aren’t being answered.
It is often said that “practice makes perfect.” That is because it is in doing a thing over and over that you become a master at it. Training means doing the right thing over and over and over and over until it becomes a habit. It is learning something until you become so good at it that it boost your confidence.
Personally, one reason why I may not want to speak to a crowd might not necessarily be that I’m scared or shy of them. Often times, it is because though I have something to share, I don’t feel prepared to deliver in the right capacity. So you’ll easily get the shakiness in my voice. However, once I know that I am prepared, ah, you’d know.
Train yourself until it becomes an instinctive response to be confident. It’s definitely not a one-day thing, but it’s worth it. Training helps you to be proactive so that when the battle comes, you’d know exactly what to do.
4) Be real
In times like this where social media is trending, it is really hard to find people who aren’t faking. Everyone wants to look beautiful on every pic and so would mostly take pics on their best days. Sadly, I think that we have made social media what it is. Anyone who tries to be real will be blamed for playing the victim. Last week I posted the mind of a dark skin girl and many thought I was pathetic meanwhile I was just being real. Being real to yourself, allows you to see the areas where you need help.
You might be doing many things with God in mind but not really spending time getting refilled by God and his abundant love. We say we put God first in our lives, when really the first thing we do in the morning is check WhatsApp messages rather than checking on His Word. Sometimes we say we’re praying about our challenges when in reality we are only worried about them.
Avoid faking, recognize your weakness and bring out the strength within you. Proverbs 31:17 says
She equips herself with strength( spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task) and makes her arms strong.
There’s no way you can be confident when you are living someone else’s life.
There are many other ways to building confidence such as doing what you like, laughing and so on. I can’t exhaust the list but however, we can take the conversation to the comment section below. What do you do to boost your confidence level? (your comment might be exactly what someone needs)
Also please check out these football lessons written by L. Abinui. You would be amazed at how much you can learn about life from the almighty football.
Stop trying to be in her shoes or anyone’s shoes. Why would you even want to be in her shoes? Do you know what’s in it. Don’t think because she’s all dressed up and in the shoes of your dreams means she’s comfortable in them. All that glitters is not gold! The shoes may be hurting terribly but you have no clue about it. Now you may think that even if it doesn’t fit her it just might fit you. But remember that what isn’t yours won’t fit you. Simply because ITS NOT YOURS. Be self content!
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never ever have enough.
Rather, be content with what you have. Learn to see the good in and around you instead of bad. If you can’t, ask God to help you remove the log that’s blinding you. Seriously, you need to see how much of a masterpiece you are. You need to see how much beauty you carry, you need to see how their eyes glow with amazement when they listen to you speak and how the knowledge you have lightens up their minds. You need to see the smile you put on their faces.
Sometimes just a silly joke from you, makes them burst in laughter. (Or you think it means nothing to make people smile). You need to see how they smile from molars to molars after being fed from your kitchen or how you clothe them with the little you have. Like seriously, you need to see how proud they are to say somewhere that they know you. You need to see the benefits and privileges that comes with knowing you. You are smart, super hardworking and intelligent. How can’t you be content with this? Don’t these little things matter
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have.
What does it mean to be self content?
Being self content is not about putting yourself above everybody. Instead, it is understanding that there will always be somebody who’s better than you at something as well as someone who’s not. Being content is knowing, accepting and loving yourself just the way you are. It entails having an understanding about who you are and where you are going. It is definitely not about comparing or competing with others but involves you competing with your own self.
I find this story very inspiring especially with respect to the topic, i hope it inspires you too.
The stone cutter
There was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. One day he passed a wealthy merchant’s house. Through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stone cutter. He became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.
To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. Soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. “How powerful that official is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a high official!”
Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. It was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. “How powerful the sun is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the sun!”
Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. “How powerful that storm cloud is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a cloud!”
Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. “How powerful it is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the wind!”
Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it – a huge, towering rock. “How powerful that rock is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a rock!”
Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. “What could be more powerful than I, the rock?” he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter.
Contentment is an attitude that says,”I will be satisfied with what God has given me.”
Let’s be real
We’re humans and there’s a very thin line between admiration and envy. With the way people are ‘making it’ these days, it’s very easy for envious thoughts to set in. However, how you manage those thoughts is what really matters. What helps me is, whenever I notice that I’m getting envious, immediately I become fully aware and conscious of the real life challenges they may be facing. Then I ask myself, will I be able to bear their pain?
Before you start wishing you were in someone shoes, maybe you should ask yourself this question, can you bear their pain?
What ever may be your situation or challenge, I pray that you would open your eyes and see that you are special and unique. You don’t need to be someone else to be special, you just need to be you!