What is SELF LOVE? Alright! I know you’re very eager to know what self love is that’s why you are here. Self-love, defined as “love of self” or “regard for one’s own happiness or advantage”, has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness.
According to the Brain and Behavior research foundation, self love is the state of appreciation that grows from actions that support our physical, physchological and spiritual growth. Its means taking care of one’s own need and not sacrificing one’s well being to please others
Ways to develop/practice self love
1) Practice good self care
Take care of your body, emotions , spiritual and mental health.
Don’t neglect yourself. Treat your self out , pamper yourself, create time for your self care routine.
Stop comparing yourself to others!*
Know that you are who you are. You are just fine the way you are and you are God’s own master piece formed in his image and likeness.
2) Be kind, patient, gentle and compassionate with yourself
Yes, you may have done some very awful things and made some terrible mistakes that may still be hunting you till today but be kind and compassionate enough to forgive yourself. Embrace the freedom that comes with forgiving yourself and move on. Stop beating yourself over failures and mistakes. Forgive yourself and find a way to move on or correct them. Be kind to yourself. Appreciate yourself and be happy when you do something good or successful. Even if no one notices your effort or work, appreciate yourself. Also, learn to be patient with yourself. You may not have everything figured out now, just be patient with yourself and its going to work out with time.
3) Make room for healthy habits
Take actions based on needs and not wants. Take out time for meditation, sports and affirmation. Read books, study something even just on the Internet. I also like to state that, You must learn not to worry about other people’s opinion. Allow yourself to make mistakes and be brave enough to learn from them. Exercise boldness in public and interact with others.
4) Have intimacy with God
God is the ultimate. Sometimes all we just really need to feel loved again, is to open our heart and receive the love that comes from the warm embrace of God our father. Remember, your value doesn’t lie in how your body looks or who people think you are. The truth is that their opinions don’t actually define you. Most times, other people’s opinion of you is just a reflection of who they are and you can’t be responsible for that.
5) Allow your self to feel both pain and joy ,love as fully as you can.
See beauty in life, take the opportunities life presents to you and create your own.
Remember, self love is putting your mental, emotional ,spiritual and physical well being first😊.
The bible clearly says;
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
It is so clear and needs no further explanations. In my opinion, the criteria for loving others genuinely is loving your own self genuinely.
Why is it important to love yourself?
The key to a greater life satisfaction is self love.
Self love gives you a positive attitude towards life.
A quote let’s you look through the eyes of another person and allows you to see what they might have learned in a lifetime, almost instantly. Personally, I find them easy going, so relatable and they always set me in the right mood. Below, are 15 quotes that build self confidence.
Sheri L. Dew
Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are and who you have always been. And understanding it can change your life because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way.
Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.
To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.
Think like a queen. A queen if not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.
Mark Victor Hansen
Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.
With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.
Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Don’t live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.
Self confidence is the memory of success
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Louisa May Alcott
“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
Confidence isn’t working into a room thinking you are better than anyone. It is knowing that you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. Definitely, it is knowing that you don’t need to compete, you’re neither below or above… That’s building confidence!
In this article, we will be looking into some of the very few ways in which building confidence helps despite the challenges we face.
1) live loved
It’s very easy to live loved when you actually feel loved. But there are times when you would need to feel loved even when you aren’t receiving any. It may not mean that you aren’t loved, but you might just not feel it. Especially when life hits you hard till you start getting words like, ‘hurt’,’reject’,’left out’ etc I’m sure you wouldn’t want your days to be detected by moods of others. The surest love you would ever get is the love of God. Zephaniah 3:17 says,
The Lord your God is in your midst, a Warrior who saves. He would rejoice over you with joy; He will be quiet in His love (making no mention of your past sins), He would rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
Live with confidence that you are fully loved and you won’t find yourself begging others for craps of love. So when ever you feel low, remember that the Lord is in your midst and He will quiet you with His love.
2) The best will come at the right time
One of the greatest thieves of confidence is unanswered prayer. We pray because we want answers and once those answers don’t come, doubt steps in. We end up not just doubting God but doubting our own selves too. This may sound cliche, but when God moves, it’s always the right time. He’s never late.
How long before the rain stopped did God show up for Noah? He showed up for Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego only when they were already in the fire. Jesus didn’t show up for Martha and Mary until Lazarus had been death for 4 days. He might not show up when you want him to, but He’d show up. We can always find ways to relate these stories to our personal lives. Knowing this, will help in building confidence even when we feel like our prayers aren’t being answered.
It is often said that “practice makes perfect.” That is because it is in doing a thing over and over that you become a master at it. Training means doing the right thing over and over and over and over until it becomes a habit. It is learning something until you become so good at it that it boost your confidence.
Personally, one reason why I may not want to speak to a crowd might not necessarily be that I’m scared or shy of them. Often times, it is because though I have something to share, I don’t feel prepared to deliver in the right capacity. So you’ll easily get the shakiness in my voice. However, once I know that I am prepared, ah, you’d know.
Train yourself until it becomes an instinctive response to be confident. It’s definitely not a one-day thing, but it’s worth it. Training helps you to be proactive so that when the battle comes, you’d know exactly what to do.
4) Be real
In times like this where social media is trending, it is really hard to find people who aren’t faking. Everyone wants to look beautiful on every pic and so would mostly take pics on their best days. Sadly, I think that we have made social media what it is. Anyone who tries to be real will be blamed for playing the victim. Last week I posted the mind of a dark skin girl and many thought I was pathetic meanwhile I was just being real. Being real to yourself, allows you to see the areas where you need help.
You might be doing many things with God in mind but not really spending time getting refilled by God and his abundant love. We say we put God first in our lives, when really the first thing we do in the morning is check WhatsApp messages rather than checking on His Word. Sometimes we say we’re praying about our challenges when in reality we are only worried about them.
Avoid faking, recognize your weakness and bring out the strength within you. Proverbs 31:17 says
She equips herself with strength( spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God-given task) and makes her arms strong.
There’s no way you can be confident when you are living someone else’s life.
There are many other ways to building confidence such as doing what you like, laughing and so on. I can’t exhaust the list but however, we can take the conversation to the comment section below. What do you do to boost your confidence level? (your comment might be exactly what someone needs)
Also please check out these football lessons written by L. Abinui. You would be amazed at how much you can learn about life from the almighty football.
Stop trying to be in her shoes or anyone’s shoes. Why would you even want to be in her shoes? Do you know what’s in it. Don’t think because she’s all dressed up and in the shoes of your dreams means she’s comfortable in them. All that glitters is not gold! The shoes may be hurting terribly but you have no clue about it. Now you may think that even if it doesn’t fit her it just might fit you. But remember that what isn’t yours won’t fit you. Simply because ITS NOT YOURS. Be self content!
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never ever have enough.
Rather, be content with what you have. Learn to see the good in and around you instead of bad. If you can’t, ask God to help you remove the log that’s blinding you. Seriously, you need to see how much of a masterpiece you are. You need to see how much beauty you carry, you need to see how their eyes glow with amazement when they listen to you speak and how the knowledge you have lightens up their minds. You need to see the smile you put on their faces.
Sometimes just a silly joke from you, makes them burst in laughter. (Or you think it means nothing to make people smile). You need to see how they smile from molars to molars after being fed from your kitchen or how you clothe them with the little you have. Like seriously, you need to see how proud they are to say somewhere that they know you. You need to see the benefits and privileges that comes with knowing you. You are smart, super hardworking and intelligent. How can’t you be content with this? Don’t these little things matter
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have.
What does it mean to be self content?
Being self content is not about putting yourself above everybody. Instead, it is understanding that there will always be somebody who’s better than you at something as well as someone who’s not. Being content is knowing, accepting and loving yourself just the way you are. It entails having an understanding about who you are and where you are going. It is definitely not about comparing or competing with others but involves you competing with your own self.
I find this story very inspiring especially with respect to the topic, i hope it inspires you too.
The stone cutter
There was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. One day he passed a wealthy merchant’s house. Through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stone cutter. He became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.
To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. Soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. “How powerful that official is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a high official!”
Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. It was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. “How powerful the sun is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the sun!”
Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. “How powerful that storm cloud is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a cloud!”
Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. “How powerful it is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the wind!”
Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it – a huge, towering rock. “How powerful that rock is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a rock!”
Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. “What could be more powerful than I, the rock?” he thought. He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter.
Contentment is an attitude that says,”I will be satisfied with what God has given me.”
Let’s be real
We’re humans and there’s a very thin line between admiration and envy. With the way people are ‘making it’ these days, it’s very easy for envious thoughts to set in. However, how you manage those thoughts is what really matters. What helps me is, whenever I notice that I’m getting envious, immediately I become fully aware and conscious of the real life challenges they may be facing. Then I ask myself, will I be able to bear their pain?
Before you start wishing you were in someone shoes, maybe you should ask yourself this question, can you bear their pain?
What ever may be your situation or challenge, I pray that you would open your eyes and see that you are special and unique. You don’t need to be someone else to be special, you just need to be you!
I remember I used to hate makeup while in secondary school. The best I could do was put lip balm and it always made my face to shine so much so that people will ask if I oiled my face with groundnut oil. Well I’m sure I didn’t do makeup because it wasn’t allowed and I was a good student (as they called me). But when I got to university, things became much different and I got to love it more and more. One thing I realized is once you get so used to it, it becomes difficult to go out a day without wearing it and when you do, you feel less beautiful or unattractive. Having in mind that inner beauty is much more important than outer beauty, your outer appearance still matters a lot. Now you won’t always have the time to wear makeup especially when you’re running late for a class, appointment, interview or even to church. You wouldn’t want to appear shabby or people identifying you as beautiful because of makeup. First and foremost, it’s very important for you to know that you’re beautiful, it’s a fact and you don’t have to prove it to anyone not even yourself. Let it sink right deep into your heart and not your head (LOL) else pride might take over you. Seriously girl, though that long fitting gown looks fabulous on you and those ‘pokello’ shoes that match the dressing not forgetting the long human hair you just got, don’t let these define your beauty because we both know they’re just temporal. Among us girls we know though we fancy them now sooner or later they’ll get old and we won’t be able to wear them. Peter puts it this way, ‘your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4). One question I always ask myself is, do I feel as beautiful with makeup as without? If the answer is no, then I know something is wrong somewhere, maybe I’m no longer taking care of my skin and I’m hiding under the umbrella of makeup. If I were married, I’ll try to find out if my husband finds me attractive whether or not I wear makeup. If not I’ll know that I’m neglecting my skin in certain ways. It’s true makeup is so magical and its effects cannot be over emphasized. If you’re on Instagram you’ll understand what I mean. Makeup enhances your beauty, so should you wear it if you don’t believe you’re beautiful? The thing is, most people use makeup to hide their blemishes and imperfections which doesn’t change the fact that they are there. Rather than trying to hide that acne or rash or pimple, why not try treating it instead. Your skin doesn’t glow? Have you tried a skin care routine or perhaps it’s your body lotion you need to change or even your diet. You can try to hide it but you can’t run away from it. The best thing to do is to fix it. I had my first breakout few months ago and it was so devastating. I literally saw my self-esteem drop to zero level. It was more traumatizing because everyone knew me as the smooth face type so they kept asking questions like, ’what happened?’ which only made me hurt the more. Whenever I got a compliment, I doubted it. Yea, I started doubting my beauty. Seriously the person I saw in the mirror with pimples all over her face wasn’t beautiful. But through prayer and reading the Word, I got my confidence back. It’s then that I learnt about skin care routine, which I had no idea of before. To me, skin care was all about using the right body lotion (the one that won’t change my skin color). Since then, I haven’t had any breakouts because skin care isn’t just a solution to your skin problems but it also helps to prevent them. By skin care I’m talking about cleansing, moisturizing, toning, exfoliating etc. Some of you might be familiar with these already which is great and I just wish to encourage you to keep being consistent and save yourself from future skin issues. If you are serious and have been doing it for a while, the results should be evident already. The key to being consistent is to make it simple and flexible
All the same I still love makeup and wear it occasionally but I always try to keep it simple, don’t get me wrong!
If there’s one thing you should remember after reading this long writing is
You are beautiful and you don’t have to prove that to anyone not even yourself.
Your beauty is irrespective of whether you wear makeup or not.
Do not let your beauty be defined by clothes, makeup, or jewellery, true beauty is within.
You don’t need to look shabby just because you aren’t wearing makeup.
You can look flawless and attractive without makeup too.
Your outer appearance matters too and your natural beauty needs to be maintained.
To do that you need to start a daily skin care routine.
This involves cleansing, moisturizing, toning and exfoliating.
To have results you need to be consistent.
The key to consistency is to make your routine simple and flexible.
To conclude, taking care of your body is a way of honoring and glorifying God because you are His temple. So when next you want to leave your house remember that the king of Glory lives in you.
Thanks for reading through and I hope you found worth in it.